We are appreciative of the degree of seriousness and effort Muhammad Bin Qasim of class O’ Level is exhibiting these days. Even though laden with mistakes, his story does show he has already embarked on the journey of developing expression by sparking genuine interest in describing situations and feelings. I’m sure, by staying consistent and keeping his morale up he will soon have cultivated a habit of depicting scenes with most appropriate words. Keep it up, boy!

The weather gradually turned wild…

‘come on jerry we are getting late’ my father shouted.

We had planned a voyage (a short trip) to the beach. I quickly jumped from my cahir (spelling: chair) garbed (use grabbed) my stuff and quickly bunddeled (spelling: bundled) them into a so called wooden suit case. Quickly getting into the car I thought it would be so fun, but no one knows what’s coming. (use past tense: …but no one knew what was coming ahead/what was in store for us)

Quickly unloading our stuff my father started collecting fire wood for coocking food (spelling: (cooking). (While)My mother busy (busied herself) in trying to stop the young (my younger siblings) from going near the sea, I lay down on the warm see (see?) taking a sun bath.

While resting (As I was resting…)my eyes caught something strange, (use either full stop (.) or colon (:) here) a small fluffy white cloud in the middle of the sky- all alone (It was all alone.). Staring at the cloud my eyes got heavier and the next moment (soon) I was a sleep (asleep). After a while I was aroused by the cracking sound of the clouds. I was amazed to see how quickly the clouds (had) covered the sky. I could see the lightning outlining the clouds. (all around) People (were) quicly (quickly) packing there (their) lauguages (luggage) and rushing to there (their) cars.

The weather slowly (gradually) turned wild. I quickly got my stuff and started to make it to the car, but I had no match (but my pace was no match with)to the strong wind. I was over-burdened with all my stuff; a stong (spelling)wind blew knocking me on the ground. (While hurrying to jump into..) Jumping into the car I left all my stuff on the ground. The strong wind blew all the sand making it difficult (for me) to see.

Further adding to this horrifying scene, rain started with small balls of ice. The hail shattered the wind screne (screen) and (it started) damaging all the things around. I prayed (to God to get us out of there alive)we get out of here alive. After a long and terrifying one hour, finally, the sun peaked out. It was a sight of relief. Quickly loading the car with all the stuff we headed back home.

Muhammad Bin Qasim

Class: O’ Levels

Muhammad Bin Qasim