A letter to the editor of a daily by Mahd Ahmed Fayyaz of class GCE O' Levels

Subject: Role of Science and Technology

Dear Editor,

Through your esteemed paper, I would like to notify that science and technology have had a very positive impact on us and have played a major role in our life. No one can refute the fact they have changed our lives in many aspects. In the past, the minutest tasks would take a long time, but technology has given us the luxury of convenience. For example, in the past, it would take us to get from one place to another, which now air travel has reduced that to hours. One can reach one’s destination, no matter how far it be, within the same day as one started.

Relaying messages over large distances was a problem of the past. Now, all it takes is a click. Science and technology has contributed to the development and advancement of our civilization.

Being a Pakistani, our country is far from being advanced and that is because of the negligence of the concerned authorities. Our country is busy trying to persuade foreign corporations to establish plants locally while our neighbors continue to produce twice as much merely by utilizing their local industries.

Seeing this, we must emphasize on bringing technological advancement to our country, so that we may stand on our feet and emerge as a different nation – a nation to be admired.

Yours truly,

Mahd Ahmed Fayyaz

O’ Levels 2^nd year

There is no denying the fact that child girl education is still lying badly neglected here in Pakistan. The sooner we realize the better that a child girl is the mother of tomorrow. See, how effectively Okasha Shams has voiced his opinion on the subject.

Subject: Girl child education

Dear Editor,

I believe that our government should support the education of girls all over our country. There are many problems holding the girls of our nation back from getting their much-deserved education. The benefits, however, are far too great to not be strived towards. Educating our women could help bring about an end to child marriage, help in improving our economy and ultimately ending poverty.

The prevalent notion in developing countries is that educating women is secondary to educating men who will be the backbone of the economy, but educating women is just as important. One of the benefits of empowering a girl child is that it will enable her to get better healthcare and to help her provide capable upbringing to her children as she’s after all the mother of tomorrow. Secondly, it will lead her to being independent breadwinner for her family, or at least she won’t be a dependent soul when she grows up.

Hence, enlightening women will eventually lead to changing a woman’s status in the society, which will in turn ultimately put an end to child marriage. Education will also help in improving the economy overall as women will be working alongside men.

I strongly believe that our government should support the education of girls on priority basis. Imagine what would happen if every girl in every town was educated. How many problems could be solved simply by using this single tool. There is probably a woman out there stronger and smarter than any man ever, but she may never have a chance to reach her true potential simply because she is a woman. I urge you to provide the women of our nation the right to an education.

Yours truly,

Okasha Shams
O class O' Levels 2nd year

A smart attempt at formal letter writing by Okasha Shams of class O' Levels 2nd year

Subject: spreading of garbage in and around our locality

Dear Editor,

I would like to bring to the authorities’ attention the worsening hygienic conditions of our locality. Being a resident of the Tarlai community, it is my moral responsibility to take care of my home and to keep it clean. Sadly, I have failed to fulfil my duties, as there is garbage all around my house; garbage near the road side; in the gutters blocking the sewerage; near ponds and lakes, contaminating them, spreading vile odors and filth atop many other environmental problems.

The toll is not only environmental but also societal, as the rates of our property have been declining, as has the fondness for our area in the eyes of outsiders, therefore, a solution is gravely needed. 

A campaign must be started to rid the streets of this filth. The community must come together and ask the government for support. But firstly, the community and all its members should work together to not spread this mess any further.

Yours truly,

Okasha Shams

Okasha Shams

Enjoy another piece of creative writing by Mahd Ahmad Fayyaz. See the thrill he's created in his present attempt at a topic on 'descriptive narrative'.

Narrate a frightening experience that you had.

Life is brimful of occurrences, frightening as well as pleasant ones. Last month, I experienced something frightening which haunts me to this very day.

I had been playing cricket with my brother on a pleasant day with some feathery white clouds drifting over the azure sky. It was all normal until I hit a six and the ball went over the wall and into the field.

As soon as I saw the ball accelerate and go over the wall, I understood I was in deep trouble. I, accompanied by my brother, climbed up the wall and made my way to where I had last seen the ball. We tried spotting the ball from the wall but in vain. At last, I mustered up the strength and jumped into the field. I was soon neck-deep in grass from all sides.

After searching for a good fifteen minutes, I decided all effort was futile and that the ball was lost to the grass now. As I made my way back, I stepped on something firm – the ball. I gave a relieved sigh and stooped to pick it up. The next things I heard were a rope snapping by force and my brother’s frightened cry, “run!”

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, the ball firmly clasped in my hand. The horrid creature had almost descended upon me – just within pouncing distance. I quickly threw the ball to my brother and climbed the wall. Now I looked down. To my horror, there stood a growling dog with my left shoe clung firmly between its jaws. I thanked God for saving me and went home with my brother.

Mahd Ahmed Fayyaz
O' Levels 2nd year

Mahd Ahmed Fayyaz

More practice on 'descriptive narrative'. Muhammad Uzair Bhatti of class O' Levels 2nd year opted for the topic: 'A moment when I thought I was starting to grow up.' A fine attempt, indeed!

A moment when I thought I was starting to grow up

I had an overwhelming passion for driving ever since I was a child. My family is a small one: just mother, father and I. As a child, I remember sitting with my father in the driving seat. My mother used to sit in the back as she had a sort of phobia for driving. Now my father drives while I sit in the back.

This was before my father took me to an empty ground used for driving practice and taught me how to drive properly. He did that so a member of the family knew how to drive in case of an emergency. It was followed by my driving on busy roads as well, quite a couple of times, so I could learn what ‘road sense’ is, and I did learn a lot.

Then there came a day when an emergency did knock on my door some six months later when my cousin called me: “Uzair, hurry up and get here in a car, papa isn’t feeling well. We need to get to the hospital,” he said as soon as I picked up. It mustn’t have taken me more than five minutes to get the car out and rush to his place. We laid our uncle in the back and I drove to the nearest hospital as fast as we could.

The doctors ran some tests but we soon found out it was nothing too severe as we had made it to the hospital just in time. Relaxed, we all drove back home where everyone praised me for my help. That is the day, I think, I realized I had grown up now. I had made myself proud.

By:

Muhammad Uzair Bhatti
O' Levels 2nd year

Muhammad Uzair Bhatti

A very good attempt by Okasha Shams of class O' Levels 2nd year. The question given was: Write a letter to the editor on the topic: street light problems.

Dear Editor,

I would like to bring to light a problem regularly faced by most of the country regularly. We do not utilize our resources properly such as street lights. 

There aren’t many street lights in most parts of our country and if there are any number of lights installed, they aren’t functional. Emergency issues include missing panels, exposed wiring, hanging light covers, a burning or smoking light, lamp posts damaged by a road traffic accident. Any of these issues is liable to cause harm or damage to a person or property.

Due to this slight misconduct, bigger problems are born. The safety of the common man is compromised as criminal activities are more easily conducted in the dark. Obnoxious crimes take place such as theft, murder, robbery and even rapes.

It is easier for criminals to hide under the veil of darkness as it becomes harder for the victims to identify the culprit, and the police in turn to catch them. Hence, this small change could make a big difference to someone’s life.

Our government must not waste public resources like that and take steps to keep their systems running as efficiently as possible so as not to cause problems to the public.

Yours truly,

Okasha Shams
O' Levels 2nd year

Okasha Shams

Write a letter to the editor on the topic: “ Bad roads in your locality”. Yet another attempt by Muhammad Uzair Bhatti of class O' Levels 2nd year.

Dear Editor,

Through the columns of your esteemed daily, I would like to draw the attention of the authorities towards an awful condition of the roads in our locality, Shadman Colony, Rawalpindi.

No one will deny the fact that roads play the role of backbone in a residential area as they help people connect with each other and for all sorts of their day to day movement. We cannot even think of such smooth movement in the absence of good roads. However, it is unfortunate that in our locality, almost all roads are lying badly damaged for the last few years with no serious notice taken so far. As a consequence, the list of problems being faced by the residents is endless. Every time we come out of our places, we find many vehicles stopped on the sides of roads, sometimes, even in the mid. Obviously, the worried owners are seen busy fixing them and fretting all along about the loss of their precious time. I have seen many cars getting entangled near potholes.

Mention of a few serious accidents is also relevant here because a very bad condition of the roads has a due share in all such heart-breaking incidents. I seriously feel dreaded at the thought of losing priceless lives some day.

Along one road, there is a park where small children come to enjoy some of their time playing. There are occasions when children come out to pick up their balls. Children, sometimes, while taking the ball out of a pothole fall into it.

If a serious action is not taken, the roads will continue getting deteriorated making the situation worse.

I, therefore, submit hereby an earnest appeal to the authorities concerned to kindly take notice of the situation as soon as possible. A quick and serious action to address this problem will go a long way in improving life quality in the area.

Yours truly,

Muhammad Uzair Bhatti 

Muhammad Uzair Bhatti

Boys of class O-II are busy practising Descriptive Narrative here. Description of situations and feelings is deemed as one of the most challenging jobs when it comes to writing skill, but see our brilliant Ahmar Siddiqui has fully succeeded in that. Well done, boy! :)

A time I experienced something spooky

The pungent smell of perspiration in the air entered my nostrils as I entered the newly constructed jogging track. Already, there were runners left and right racing enthusiastically. One side of the track was lined with tall hedges that separated the track from an educational institution whereas the other side afforded a view of the park. I had caught wind of the establishment through a friend who also exercised routinely. I did a quick warm up and began to run at a brisk pace. After successfully completing two laps around the track, I stopped and sat down, leaning against the towering hedge. I looked up to find the sun hidden behind thunderous clouds that rumbled above. I made a silent prayer for it not to rain otherwise I would be unable to visit the open air gym.

Unfortunately, my prayer went unanswered, and it started raining heavily – that they call ‘cats and dogs’. So, I briskly made for the exit. On the way, I jumped over a black cat. Though I continued onwards, but was internally aghast. I bit my tongue as I recalled the superstition that walking past a black cat is a bad luck sign. I dismissed the thought as an old wives’ tale and got back to the task at hand.

Hardly a minute had passed when an oddly shaped object caught my eye. I neared the tall hedge where the unidentified object was. To my horror, I found a severed finger! I yelped and ran home faster than a speeding bullet.

When I lied down in my bed that night, my wild imagination began to conjure multiple scenarios regarding the severed finger. The scenario that my mind deemed most likely was that a man had been chopped up into miniscule pieces by a serial killer. Realizing how close to my residence the heinous act had been committed, I found sleep escaping me. I recalled the black cat I had jumped over and concluded that bad luck was responsible for my current predicament.

The following day, I set off towards the jogging track to procure the finger to submit it to the police. Trying to appear inconspicuous I casually jogged over to the spot where I had discovered the finger. To my utter disbelief, I found several severed body parts littered beside the hedge. The horrific sight made me queasy.

A stranger approached me and inquired about my obvious distress. I responded by pointing to the body parts. The stranger laughed and told me that the body parts were fake; they were used to teach first aid classes at the school that was on the other side of the hedge. Dubious, I reasoned how lifelike the parts looked. The stranger who had introduced himself as a regular runner, named Ahmed, showed me the insides of the objects, proving that they were made of plastic.

I took a sigh of relief. My belief in superstition disintegrated as swiftly as it had formed.

Written by:
Mohammad Ahmar Siddiqui

Ahmar

An attempt on formal letter writing by Uzair Bhatti. The question given was: 'Write a letter to the editor of a daily on the topic “Role of Science and Technology.'

Write a letter to the editor of a daily on the topic “Role of Science and Technology.”

Dear Editor,

Through your esteemed paper, I would like to communicate that we, as Pakistanis, need to realize the fact that science and technology have brought about a tremendous revolution around.

For example, by 1990 not a single person could ever visualize provision of tons of material on a certain topic by just typing on a bar when www dot was formed. People used to write letters to their relatives and friends which would reach their target addresses in days, but now because of technology one can read the same message in just seconds. From travelling all summer to get to a destination the world has come to a phase when one can take a flight and reach one’s destination in just a couple of hours.

When we look around, the role of science and technology seems to have changed almost every single bit in our lives. Cooking, bathing, clothing, travelling, eating, reading – everything. Technology has a huge share in sources of entertainment as well. Even ways of protesting are now mostly dependent on effective use of technological tools. Hence, it goes without saying that sci-tech touch has become a foremost factor of why and how this world is changing.

What to emphasize here is the earlier we realize this reality the better. When compared with the world around, I find Pakistan far behind. We, therefore, need to bring in all such technological development here pretty fast to help our experts pace up their work, enabling us to stand confidently in front of other nations.

Yours truly,

Muhammad Uzair Bhatti  

Uzair Bhatti
Of Class O' Levels 2nd Year

Here we are with our blog reactivated to continue sharing writings from our budding writers. The foremost episode carries an attempt by a very good student from our Cambridge Section. 'A difficult decision that I had to make' is a short piece of writing by Uzair Bhatti, a promising scholar of class O' Levels 2nd years here at Cambridge Section of PakTurk Chak Shahzad Campus.

A difficult decision that I had to make

Turbulent times are part of life. They come and go leaving irremovable marks behind, and a great deal of learning for us to feel mature than before. However, what’s more important is the decision we make in such tight situations.

It was the year 2015 when I got promoted to grade 9. Immediately after, I felt extremely perplexed when faced with a dual situation demanding what version of the syllabus I should opt for:

Should I go for GCE O’ Levels or our local Federal Board syllabus, that is, simple matriculation?

I asked my parents first, but their reply was of no help as they left it entirely up to me to decide by saying: “You can go for whatever you feel like.”

I made up my mind for choosing GCE O’ Levels, but to my dismay, my uncles and aunties came out as strong opposition to that. They rejected the idea pretty severely – saying they were in favour of matric system. “GCE O’ Levels is just a show-off, and has no scope, in fact,” they opined, discouraging me to a considerable extent. Though they might be very sincere in their approach, I wasn’t convinced of their outlook. Deep down, I believed I knew better what was good for me and on what grounds.

I now was in a terrible fix as their sweeping remark had further muddled the issue.

As I consulted with my cousins aboard, they all strongly voted in favour of O’ Levels as they all had gone through this phase. 

Anyways, I mustered up enough courage and confidence to stand by my decision no matter what! I, therefore, stuck to my own vision and since then I’ve never looked back or lamented whatever I chose for myself. Though I admit it was a very difficult decision, but by God’s grace, I’ve continued with CCE O’ Levels with my head high, working hard day and night.

I have gradually come to believe that my decision was right as I’m happy with it. Others too have got convinced by seeing the grades I scored in the three subjects I appeared in. My result has become a strong evidence of the accuracy of my decision. Yes, I can certainly do it. I won’t quit at all!

Uzair Bhatti

Of Class O-II

Uzair Bhatti

Mhad Ahmed Fayyaz (from class O' Levels-I) rocks here with a wonderful response to a question given in this month’s Monthly My Performance Test. The question was: ‘Write about an occasion when you felt depressed’, and see he’s done justice with the topic by coming up with brilliant description of a situation he visualized. Well done, Mhad!

My heart skipped a beat as I noticed a furious-looking man staring at me. A primitive weapon was tightly held in his right hand – a rough hand with lumpy, ugly fingers. His extra-large, black eyes had sparks of obvious detest for my poor soul. Such was the awe and the horror that for those few moments I felt I was a helpless man driven far away from a shore where – at an unmanageable distance – he had quit struggling with all his energy exhausted. I felt as if I was drowning, getting closer to my end. The ominous silence was broken as the man, with a quick jerk, rushed at me, muttering cries of revenge. I had made a terrible mistake!

On that fateful day, apparently I saw no signs of any would-be untoward. It looked all safe and sound. The weather was pleasant as usual. The sky was an expanse of sapphire blue, dotted with feathery white clouds. Radiant rays of the sun shone brightly across the azure, wide canopy. But then a time came when sweat trickled down my brow, as I lifted my head high in a hope to see over the commotion and on to the source of the problem causing the traffic jam. I was in a hurry, but had unluckily got stuck on a main road in northern part of the city.

In utter despair, I decided to get out of my car and walk over to the source of turmoil, which would eventually prove to be a drastic mistake.

I adjusted my newly tailored bespoke suit as I dismounted from my Crystal Black Pearl Vezel. As I got nearer, I saw banners claiming western culture as the sole cause of all problems in Pakistan. As I headed on, a full scale sight of an angry crowd came in view. It was a protest.

That is when I saw a man dressed in tribal attire, staring at me with a devilish grin. As I stared back at him, he grew enraged. Next, to my utter shock, pointing his pitchfork to my chest, he hurled abuse at me. And the very next moment, he leapt at me. Flabbergasted, I rushed back.

He was soon chasing me with his obnoxiously heavy body. And that was the moment for my well-shaped and smart body to exhibit its athletic skills. I was soon at a safe distance. As I turned back, to my surprise, I saw a police man on top of him. I had been saved, though I felt extremely depressed.

I continued feeling depressed for another three long days. Later, I read a police report. I could not fathom the thought that that errant man had pounced on me for the mere reason of my appearance in western getup. It all sounded weirdest of the things I had ever encountered.

Mahd Ahmed Fayyaz
O' Levels-I
PakTurk School, Islamabad

Expressing thoughts and feelings in versified form is one of the most difficult jobs in the world of creative writing. Poets compose their feelings and thoughts to entertain, persuade, inform, or to influence their readers with certain cause in mind. Writing an effective poem, that too which feels unique and true to yourself, asks for a bit of mastery in playing with sound, rhythm, and tone in the poem and apply literary devices to make your poetry truly sound to be a piece of literature. Let’s enjoy an award-winning piece of poetry by Hassan Bukhari, a PakTurk alumni, a brilliant student. He composed this poem for an inter-colleges competition arranged by Shifa Students Society (Islamabad). Hassan was awarded 2nd prize. Heartiest congrats Hassan, and thanks for sharing! Continue making us feel proud of you non-stop by making difference with the might of your pen, and by exhibiting strongest of the characters. Go on contributing in the world most positively. We wish you hundreds of more accomplishments. :)

Future Awaits: What’s next?

Fragile, weak and replete with hunger,

Wrinkles on young faces, dismal their smiles,

Sticks for arms, wretched their cries,

Their roof, the sky, glaring with thunder,

“What have I done?” They say. “What is my blunder?”

I’m chased in streets, “Is beggar my name?”

“Pacifists, Criminals and Culprits!” they claim,

And People believe, give poor the blame,

Who cares if they shatter?

They are not made to matter,

And the neglected only know better,

Than to keep hope, from the latter,

When asked what I see in the future ahead,

I pick up a pencil and draw a picture instead,

I have a Prediction, such is its depiction;

“It will not remain as same!

The misery, pain and the shame,

All shall dissolve in merciful rain,

Once it pours to reach every grain,

The light combined will bring the green,

A scene, never before seen!

And justice will prevail to those who shatter,

For in God’s Store, there’s nothing better”

An opening paragraph was handed to the boys of O’ Levels Final Year (here at Chak Shahzad Campus of PakTurk) as a prompt for story writing. Written in 523 words it’s one of the stories produced responding to the prompt (a Cambridge style question for which could be): ‘Write a story which includes the sentence: ‘He was determined to give his life-time benefactor an ‘easy’ death – as a token of his gratitude.’ Mubeen Ahmed Fayyaz came up with one of the most remarkable responses. Following the requirement, having opened his story with mid-action scene, Mubeen successfully applied flashback technique in which part he exhibited his mastery by wrapping up the entire situation in just 270 words, leaving no logical gap there. In the remaining 183 words, he then satiated the reader's curiosity by effectively showing ‘what happened next’. Look, the story also has a small surprise/shock in the end when Mubashir, instead of becoming an easy victim, reacts to what Thakur is going to do with him. A big kudos for Mubeen for contributing such a story with high appeal. Very engaging stuff, indeed!

An abandoned house

Thakur pulled his car out of the porcelain porch and quickly headed for the airport where he was to receive someone he called his mentor, lifetime benefactor and someone he truly adored. At hearts of his heart, he was determined to taking Mubashir to an abandoned house in the northern outskirts of the city to give him an “easy” death as a token of his gratitude.

Mubashir felt utter sympathy and droplets of sweat caressed his brow as he knelt down on hard concrete to pick up a lump: a young boy. He took the boy to a nearby hospital where he paid for the expenses and when he could find no guardian for the boy, he decided to adopt him.

The young boy grew up in an unfamiliarly posh environment but soon got the hang of it. His days were spent in getting quality education, developing a good taste in music and art and studying Henry David Thoreau’s “resistance to civil government” and similar books.

He grew up to be a teenager not willing to resign his conscience to the legislator. He believed and obeyed laws that were in line with his moral conscience and strived hard to denounce any that contradicted it. He had grown up to believe in utter freedom of mankind and absence of governing bodies as the only solution to mankind’s problems.

Mubashir had succeeded in creating a Mr-No-Government who had potential to be a part of a movement aimed at resistance towards civil government and so the boy became a part of the evil movement.

The boy who was now a man strived hard day and night to make the movement stronger but after the conservative party came to power and decided to take radical measures against the movement, everything changed.

He was caught, tried, imprisoned and tortured atrociously. He ratted out every bit of info on whoever he knew in the movement – in exchange for his freedom, something he had come to admire since his childhood – except that he succeeded in keeping Mubashir.

Today that boy, Thakur, was standing on the threshold of a colossal airport waiting for Mubashir. His eyes drifted upwards to the infinite blue sky dotted with gray clouds. When he looked back down, he was awestruck as he laid eyes on a pale figure with creased forehead and narrow lips smiling pleasantly at him. It was Mubashir.

He managed to take Mubashir to an abandoned house, his conscience failing him but he was not to deter from a decision he had taken with deliberation and lack of emotions – a decision for the better. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at Mubashir as memories of torture filled his mind. He decided to squeeze the trigger not wanting Mubashir to face such horrendous torture who unlike him would not be able to strike a deal for freedom but before he could, Mubashir ran! Mubashir bolted on the rocky mountainous terrain. Thakur jerked his rifle on his shoulder. His shooting skills overcame Mubashir’s escaping skills as Thakur drove three bullets through Mubashir who soon lay still. Thakur then lived happy for Mubashir ceaselessly.

Mubeen Ahmed Fayyaz
O' Levels Final Year
PakTurk School, Islamabad

Rewriting on a story by Malaika, O' Level Final Year Student at PakTurk International School Islamabad Campus H-8 Sector

It was an unforgettable occasion

It was the afternoon of Saturday. The blazing sun was sending it to raise onto my bed while I read a book on my desk. My father hurriedly came to my room and said to me "Malaika! Guess what?" I was in the shock since I've never seen him so excited and thrilled. He continued " we are going to go on the trip to Greece.  It's all settled.  Your mom just got a call from her office..." My mother was a journalist which meant that she had to go to different places in order for her work but I never expected this I was amazed. It was almost too good to be true. Just after hearing my father's first intense I had got goosebumps as I imagined the beautiful and refreshing streets, ancient structures of Greek buildings, sound of rushing water in the streams of Greece. The scenic beauty of Greece with it's magnificent gardens and mountain tops and what not. My dad shook me hard to to bring myself back to the reality. I got up and started to pack my bags for the flight of the next morning.

It was Saturday afternoon. The blazing sun’s rays rested on my bed while I read a book at my desk. My father hurriedly came to my room and said to me, "Malaika! Guess what?" I was in shock, since I'd never seen him so excited and thrilled. He continued, "We are going to go on a trip to Greece. It's all settled. Your mom just got a call from her office..."

My mother was a journalist, which meant that she had to go to different places as part of her work, but I never expected this. I was amazed—it was almost too good to be true. Just after hearing my father's first intense words, I got goosebumps as I imagined the beautiful and refreshing streets, the ancient structures of Greek buildings, the sound of rushing water in the streams, the scenic beauty of Greece with its magnificent gardens and mountain tops.

My dad shook me hard to bring me back to reality. I got up and started packing my bags for the flight next morning.

The entire day, I and my little brother excitedly run around in the house. The fact that this trip was for free and my parents always wanted to go to Greece with us just made me joyous with excitement.  At night before going to bed,  I set my alarm clock to three hours before the actual waking up time. No usually people won't be able to sleep before this kind of an event i'm the case with me was no different. Laying in my bed the entire night when I thought about this trip, The glistening rays of light  showering through my window and wouldn't let me sleep. I kept thinking that perhaps I was the luckiest girl in the world right now. I and my family were about to go on a trip of a lifetime. This was going to be a memorable time for letting me and my family enjoy such an amazing time in a wondrous place like Greece. With its ancient history and people.  Little did I know that sometimes you truly are the luckiest person in the world, just in a different way.

The entire day, my little brother and I excitedly ran around the house. The fact that this trip was free and my parents had always wanted to go to Greece with us just made me even more excited. At night, before going to bed, I set my alarm clock to three hours before the actual time when I had to get up.

Usually people wouldn’t be able to sleep before this kind of an event, and the case with me was no different. Lying in my bed the entire night, I thought about this trip. I kept thinking that perhaps I was the luckiest girl in the world right now. I accompanied by my family were about to go on the trip of a lifetime. Oh, what a wondrous place to go to, Greece, with its ancient history and people. Little did I know, sometimes you truly are the luckiest person in the world, just in a different way than you expect.

In the morning, I and my family got ready and had hot and delicious fried eggs and pancakes with maple syrup.  Normally my mother would not make such a huge effort in making us such a tasty breakfast,  but today was sure different. My eyes were tired due to not sleeping at all last night but that was the least of my worries right then. We got ready and locked the house. checking everything before leaving for the airport. On the way to the airport, all of us were so happy and thankful for this opportunity. We go to the airport and saw how crowded it was. It was mostly just the families which were picking or dropping off their guests. Due to traffic on the way to the airport we were a bit late, but now we were going to be extremely late because when my father asked me for the passports, it turned out that my brother's was missing. We were going to our security check when my father got angry, I knew it had slipped into the car. We went back and nervously checked the car but couldn't find the passport. The passport would have to be at home. My father got furious and turned red because everything was going perfect until now. Unfortunately we couldn't get on the flight my parents knew that there was no point arguing. The flight had left. We got home upset and disappointed and my father wasn't in a jolly mood like in the morning.  To distract his mind he turned on the TV and my mother started to cook something for us to eat.  And then the headlines came on the news " Flight A 107 had unfortunately crashed in the ocean due to engine block........" my parents gave each other a shocked look. That was supposed to be our flight. We could not believe our eyes. My father left out a heavy sigh of relief and pity. It was  an unforgettable occassion.

In the morning, my family and I got ready and had hot, delicious fried eggs and pancakes with maple syrup. Normally my mother would not make such an effort to give us a tasty breakfast, but today was different. My eyes from lack of sleep, but that didn’t concern me at all.

We got ready and locked the house, checking everything before leaving for the airport. On the way to the airport, all of us were all talking excitedly, so happy and thankful for this opportunity. Finally, we got to the airport and saw how crowded it was. Most of this was from families picking up or dropping off their guests.

Due to traffic on the way to the airport we were a bit late, so we hurried to get our baggage checked. We got through, then arrived at the security check, when my father asked us to take out our passports. That was when we discovered that my brother's was missing. My father got so angry then, and it seemed all the excitement we’d shared in the car was gone.

We went back and nervously checked the car but couldn't find the passport. That meant it would have to be at home. My father got furious and turned red, shouting that everything had been perfect until now. Worse, there was no time to go home, since the flight was leaving so soon. The plane left without us.

We got home upset and disappointed and my father was in a terrible mood.  To distract himself, he turned on the TV and my mother started to cook something for us to eat. Then the headlines came on the news: "Flight A-107 has crashed in the ocean due to engine blockage. At this time, all passengers on board are feared dead."

My parents gave each other a shocked look. That was supposed to be our flight! We could not believe our eyes. My father left out a heavy sigh of relief and sadness for those on board. It was an unforgettable occasion.

In-depth analysis of a story by Ali Hashim, AS Level Student at ROOTS School System(Ex-Student PakTurk International School)

“Being a seasoned doctor it took me no more than a few seconds to perceive what might have caused Angeline’s death.”

The body was brought in by my assistant and laid in the dark room. As soon as I was free, I had a look at the body. It was a young woman of around twenty-five, five feet six inches tall with blond hair. Her ID card showed that her name was Angeline McGregor.

Being a seasoned doctor it took me no more than a few seconds to perceive what might have caused Angeline’s death. She had been poisoned. The autopsy that I performed the same evening showed that the poison used was arsenic.[A1] 

The police had stopped the investigation, considering the death to be natural, but my report suggested the otherwise and when I gave it to the chief inspector, the case was reopened with renewed keenness.[A2] 

I, also being [A3] a detective, as well as the forensic expert of the police department, was allowed to look into the matter. I knew that only a couple of chemists in the city sold arsenic, so I asked my assistant to make and bring me a list of people who had purchased arsenic in the last few days.

A single look at the list gave me the lead I was looking for. It contained the name of the husband of the deceased, Anthony McGregor[A4] . But I needed more proof than a mere receipt before I could lay my hands on him. Nevertheless, I asked him to come to the police station and interrogated him.

He told me a story that, if true, meant that he was totally clean. [A5] The way he spoke with a great conviction in his tone made me doubt my instincts. I took his photographs and showed them to the chemist who had sold arsenic to Anthony, but to my utter surprise, the chemist told me that this person had never been to his shop
COMMENT

 [A1]Very good and plausible opening. Sets the scene and situation strongly. I am intrigued so far!

 [A2]This is implied just by the fact that the police have reopened the case.

[A3]It is implausible for someone to be a seasoned doctor AND a detective – both require lots of specialization.

[A4]To avoid later confusion, introduce him here.

[A5]What was the story? It would help the reader here to at least get a summary of it, otherwise we feel like the narrator is holding back information

I asked the police department’s best artist to come and make a sketch according to the chemist’s description. The sketch showed a young muscular man with a look of pure venom and hatred on his face. I put the sketch into the department’s computer and was soon granted a satisfactory result. The young man was Sal Malcini, a person who had a record of dealing in poisons and even using them.

I asked the sheriff to get him arrested as he was our man. I was startled upon interrogating him. I never knew a new surprise awaited me. He had been paid for the job. This was the only information that we could extract from him for a long time. But after we used the third degree interrogation on him, he soon gave away. He told us that it was Angeline’s ex-boyfriend, Mathew Lestrage, who had paid him.

Confronting Mathew proved to be a much more troublesome job than the others, as he tried to run away. But due to his lack of knowledge of the area, he ran straight into me. Mathew told us that he loved Angeline very much but she had betrayed him, and had married “that American guy”. Naturally, this infuriated him. He said he was extremely depressed, to the extent that it led him to taking revenge upon her. He’d planned to kill her, and succeeded in that soon after.

He was given a life sentence.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[A1] 

 COMMENT

[A1]STRENGTHS: This story does a great job following detective style crime fiction. The ending is satisfactory because the point of these stories is to catch the person and uncover what happened in a mysterious crime.

WEAKNESSES: Often times the narrator withholds information from us. During the interrogations I hear summaries of what he’s doing and that he’s gotten information, but not what information he’s attained. It’s important for us to see what the narrator is seeing, and where you are showing only what’s necessary, provide a brief summary.

SUGGESTIONS: Another big issue is the implausibility of this man being both a doctor and detective. Both require lots of specialization. How can you work as both when the demands of both jobs require you to be exclusively available? Often times in writing fiction we will do things like this to help us create various elements of the plot, so it’s important to be aware of it, to step back and ask these questions. In this case, you might want to consider retelling this story by having the narrator work alongside a team of detectives, or be part of the investigation because it was his friends in a former line of work.

Rewriting on a story by Chaudhry Abdullah Amir (PakTurk School) who attempted at describing human feeling over a sad demise of a loved one. Well done, Chaudhry!

I was too fragile to say anything...

It was a warm night of July. I was sleeping in my room when suddenly I heard my mother shouting, “wake up son), she said. I didn’t give response to her, then she cried loudly . “She’s dead” she said hysterically. “Who’s dead” , I said tiredly. “Parveen” she cried . I was stunned , I woke up and sat on my bed putting my head in my knees, everything stopped for an instant. The fan in my room and the noise of the hens outside the room. I felt that the roof will fall on me. My head was too heavy like someone has put a lot of weight on it. I couldn’t breath and then something from inside of my body came out through my mouth and I shouted with the full power that I had “No”, I cried. “She can’t be, she promised me to meet me today.” She can’t be dead.

One warm night in July, I was sleeping in my room when suddenly I heard my mother shouting.

“Wake up, son!” she said. I didn't respond until she cried hysterically, “She’s dead!”

“Who’s dead?” I asked, still tired.

“Parveen.”

Stunned, I sat up in bed and put my head between my knees. Everything stopped for an instant. The fan whirred in my room and hens clucked outside. I felt like the roof should fall on me. My head was too heavy, as if someone had put a lot of weight in it. I couldn't breathe, and then something tore from inside my body to come out of my mouth as a shout with all the power I had. “No!” I cried. “She can’t be, she promised to meet me today.” She couldn't be dead.

I jumped from my bed and ran to the street . Her house was in the next street. I was running bare – footed wiping the tears off my face . I couldn’t feel the rocks on the road and finally I reached her home and saw a group of people in the garden. There were children and old men, some of them sitting on chairs, and some of them standing and gossiping about Parveen. I heard crying women inside. I ran to the main door and entered the house. I saw her lying on the floor in white dress. Beside here was her mother peeno and her elder sister Shaista.

I jumped from my bed and ran into the road. Her house was the next street over. I was running on bare feet, wiping the tears from my face. I couldn't feel the rocks of the road. Finally I reached her home and saw a group of people in the garden. There were children and old men, some of them sitting in chairs, some of them standing and gossiping, saying Parveen’s name. I heard crying women inside, so I ran to the main door and entered the house.

I saw her lying on the floor in a white dress. Beside her was her mother, Peeno, and her elder sister, Shaista.

I sat there near the door, watching her lying on the floor. I couldn’t feel anything. I was just having her memories that she was the most intelligent student in our class. We share our lunch and give examples to others that sharing is caring. She played Baseball and every single person wanted to have autograph of this girl. I was lost in nostalgia when someone touched me on shoulder. She was soothing mother who took my hand in hers and said slowly “Don’t cry son , all of us have to die one day”.

I sat there at the door, looking at her where she lay on the floor. I couldn't feel anything. I could just remember: She was the most intelligent student in our class. We shared our lunches, giving an example of the others that sharing is caring. She played baseball, and every single person wanted to have her autograph.

I was lost in memories when someone touched my shoulder. She was a soothing mother, who took my hand in hers and said slowly, “Don’t cry, son, all of us have to die one day.”

I was fragile and couldn’t say anything. My feet were bleeding because of running as much fast I can, but I was shocked by my best friend’s death and I almost didn’t feel the pain. The only person, who really understood me, was no more. My mother took me home but now I wasn’t me, the Abdullah of my family. The people in the street called me insane ….

I was too fragile to say anything. My feet were bleeding from the run over here, but I was so shocked by my best friend’s death that I couldn’t feel the pain. The only person who really understood me was no more.

My mother took me home, but I wasn't myself any longer. I was not the person my family knew as Abdullah. The people in the street called me insane…

Contributed by: Chaudhry Abdullah AmirO' Levels Final YearPakTurk International School, Islamabad