Simon says: Kill
There he sat, looking calm, quiet, with
no sign of guilt on his face. I had interrogated many suspects before but all
of them showed some sign of fear, guilt or anger. But he sat there as if he had
accomplished something, just resting on the seat looking around the dark room.
All there was to see watch a light bulb glowing above his head, a table, and
chairs at each end, one for the suspect and the other for the ‘good cop, bad
cop’ routine.
“Your name?” I began.
“You must have seen that in my I.D., haven’t you?”
I didn’t answer.
“Simon Miles.” He smiled.
“Mr. Miles, tell me about you.”
“Pardon me; I’m really not looking forward to a relationship.”
I chuckled. Not at the joke he had cracked, but on how ignorant he was being. He seemed to think that he was in control of this situation. ‘Might as well change that’ I thought. Soon a guard marched in and moments after, Simon was bleeding. But he didn’t portray any sign of pain. ‘Good faker’ I perceived.
“Now that you’ve a better perspective of your position, I suggest you answer how you should.”
“Always with the violent approach.” He remarked.
“What is your career history?” He was really starting to pull my leg.
“Psychology school dropout.”
“But it says here that you resigned as a teacher, after 3 months of service.”
“I like to think of my resignation as dropping out.”
“How can you say that?” I lost track.
“We are always learning.”
He was right. I thought, in a way.
“You’ve been reported to be seen at 3 crime scenes, appearing before the victims cross limits, then disappearing.”
“What do you suspect Mr. Officer?” He spoke sarcastically.
“That you’re the cause of the outcomes.” I got to the point.
“What they did was their choice entirely.” Confidence in every word he spoke.
I was beginning to feel awkward, on how he was making things complicated. I was the one here to make him nervous to get the truth out of him. But this man was doing it himself. I still didn’t feel like I was on the right track here. I started with the first case he was reported to have been seen at…….
‘Tears rolled down his eyes. He was disappointed, ready to leave. Dragging himself towards the edge Marc had had enough. And he took a step……but it seemed impossible. Hope built up in his heart no matter how many times he lost it. The loved ones, happy memories, were suddenly popping up in his mind, and the ray of hope getting thicker as they did. He turned around but only to see a man, standing, just staring at him.
“Why?” The man started.
“Hope” Marc’s eyes lightened up.
“False hope.” The man raised his tone.
“It is enough to keep me going.”
“but only until you see the truth about this world, and come back some other day.”
Marc was quiet. The stranger left. Marc turned around……..’
“A man’s body was found at the bottom of the XYZ cliff. You fit the description of the man seen with him before.” I stopped to see how he would react.
“Before?”
“Before someone pushed him down the cliff.”
“Who would do such a thing?” He smiled sarcastically.
That was not what I expected. But I still kept the questions coming.
“Yes, it was him who killed him.”
“What?”
“He had lost hope. I do not know how, but he was there to leave. I did him a favor.” No sign guilt in anything he was saying.
“Mr. Marc was found dead, that was your favor?” I was trying to keep up.
“Mr. Marc is it? He had lost hope. You would have found a corpse there sooner or later. I helped in bringing it sooner. I took away the false hope from the soul. My favor was to help him die happily, without regrets.”
“You forced him!” I shot that in the dark.
“You have no imagination. But then again you aren’t the only one.” He smiled. “All I did was to bring the dark side he was trying to bury under the false hope, to his mind. All that he was thinking about then was how the world had betrayed him, all his sorrows, hate. And soon he could not cope. Everything appeared dark and sinister. It is human nature to find a way out of the darkness. And the only place the poor soul saw the light was at the bottom of the cliff.”
I was beginning to understand. How a lost person runs towards the light at the first sight and why people prefer to stay alone when they began to understand realities. It all started to make sense.
“I see you haven’t ordered the guard to hit me this time.” He interrupted my thoughts. Perhaps you think I was right about what I did. See I did not take away the hope really. His dark side gave it away. He could have stayed. But in the end, its human nature to solve things with violence.” He looked at the guard.
The truth in his words could not be ignored. And I could not stand it either. Everything was so complicated. My progress in this case was rapid, without any great effort. However the complexity, the thoughts and how he was inflicting them upon me. I needed a break.
I left.
3 days passed and I kept thinking about my meeting with Mr. Simon. I wasn’t sure if he was the criminal we were looking for yet. But I wore a badge. I got paid to suspect. I was walking back for our second session. My interest was building up in human nature, how everything we do had a reason behind it. ‘We are always seeking light.’ He was right. How we go on with our life until it goes our way then decide to give up when it doesn’t. In all my thoughts I arrived at the dark room, the “drop out” sitting there.
“Evening Mr. James.” He began as I sat down, he wasn’t supposed to.
“Evening” I ignored his enthusiasm. Then I started reading the second file, his second victim…..
“Let me in man!”
“Sorry sir, house full.”
“Dude, I just came out to get my popcorn.”
“Not my problem sir.”
“No! Let me in. My son is waiting.”
“I am sorry sir. Please wait outside before I call the authorities.”
Phill held back before the guard did. Who would want to make a scene in the cinema? What were the screens here to show?! Phill found a spot and just sat there and glared at the guard as he let in some girls after taking a tip.
“And they say women are the victims of gender discrimination.” He mumbled.
“Anyone is a victim if they don’t stand against injustice.” A stranger interrupted his hate.
“No offence but do I know you?” He asked munching his popcorns.
“Just someone here to help.” The stranger smiled.”You should know better then to give up so easy.”
“This isn’t worth it.”
“It’s how you react to the little things that teach you how to handle the big.”
“It is a kid movie. My son will survive.” Phill sighed.
“Of course he will. But don’t you think how the guard threatened you by calling the manager is a little insulting?”
“I will get over it.” Phill was still not convinced towards taking any action.
“That is what they all say.” The stranger lowered his tone. “You really want to walk away, insulted, without doing anything about it? What will you tell your son? Clearly not the truth.” The stranger raised his voice. “Don’t be a coward. You have honor, prestige.” The stranger made his point and left.
‘He is right’, ‘I should’, ‘I will walk away happy’. Phill was now thinking. Now it seemed to be personal, about his honor. He stood up, walked towards the guard still busy taking tips and opening the doors. He approached him from the back and reached for the neck and shook him. Soon they were rolling and tossing each other on the floor. Every successful jab made Phill feel better. But the guard was the one with a gun, and a gunshot contributed to the noise in the theatre……..”
“Phill Marcus, Banker and a rich one, divorced, living with his son. No criminal history, not even weed. And died got shot moments after he was reported to be seen with you.”
“Phill! He seemed to be a nice guy, but ultimately he was only a good actor.”
I looked at him in doubt.
“Phill was a veiled monster. He was hiding, all his past. A sad soul he was. There were scars on his heart. The hurtful things, memories, which he was living with, going on, all alone. You know the thing about scars Mr. James, they hurt forever.”
“Still doesn’t explain why the guard killed him.”
“That was what he was going to do.”
“Avenge the scars by killing some random guard?”
“Oh no Mr. James. He wasn’t avenging anything. He was just taking revenge on how the guard had treated him. But the monster inside him began to enjoy. The monster that was feeding on his sorrows. It had its fill, and it showed its strength. Mr. Phill had become hollow.”
“YOU are the monster.” It was annoying how he was making himself look clean.
“I didn’t tell him to get in a fist fight with the guard, even a mere hint. He could have called the manager. He could have stopped to think about his son. But that would have been something ‘human’ to do for a monster. The past always catches up with people, unfortunately the sad one. It’s sad how we ignore so much in our lives, yet preserve it. He sighed.
I was speechless. The truth in everything he said. The dark mazes up in everyone. The monsters trying to get out. I felt a monster inside me now, feeding, waiting to get out. It was frightening, how we fake things, unknowing being consumed by realities from the inside. I was beginning to understand humans and suddenly they were all terrifying, miserable.
“I still don’t understand how you get the victims to take their own lives.” I tried to distract myself.
“You happen to be slower then you think you’re.”
That was insulting. I looked at the guard.
“Go ahead, be human.” He was observant.
That didn’t feel good. How he could read my mind. I was developing interest in his abilities, fearing them, yet I wasn’t sure what they were yet.
“Have you ever wondered why the brain looks like a maze?” He was acknowledging my interest, he knew I was understanding things now.
“Maybe it is one.” I let out my first opinion.
“You seem to be understanding.” He stared at me for a long while.
Something wasn’t right in how he did that. I felt vulnerable. He had turned this interrogation around. Suddenly it came to me.
“Words!” I spoke out in surprise.
He just smiled.
“You use words! You kill those men using words. You brought their dark sides to life.”
“You see Mr. James, words possess immense power. Legend has it that actions speak louder than words but what good are actions when you have no words to understand and describe them? When you can control your words, you can control the world. Anyone!” He grinned and looked at me, then the guard. I froze with fear from the inevitable. He was choosing his next victim.
Both of us were armed. But clearly I was the one fearful and confused. The guard would just take orders. I still feared if Simon would turn him against me. I ordered him to leave.
“You seem to have little trust in your keeper.”
“I have little trust in me.” I knew that wasn’t true.
He smiled as the guard walked out. That was relieving. I looked at Simon with courage. I wasn’t the one to give up so easily, but then again. He wasn’t either.
“You can’t play now.”
“First case? Marc? remember?
I found myself in the same position. Scared. Who did I fear now? It was not him. It was I.
“What is the best you can do!”
“Fear me! He raised his voice. “These handcuffs can’t stop me from talking”
Suddenly I felt so little in front of him. How he could crush me. The man was handcuffed, unarmed, and he made me fear him. I struggled to take control of myself. But he could see I was afraid of myself, by the way I was trembling, wiping sweat off my forehead, just trying to look normal. He was enjoying my condition. I had had enough of this! I reached for my handgun and pointed it at him.
“I have little trust in me.” I repeated.
“Go ahead, be human.” He did too.
“Why are you killing innocent people?” Distracting him was my only chance.
“I am not killing people. And I won’t be the one to call them innocent judging by the choices they have made. I am helping in the best way a psychologist can help. Making them feel happy.”
“Their monsters!” He was wrong.
“Exactly! But they are the monsters themselves. They have been consumed. Seeking revenge and revenge is only an excuse for violence. Revenge only feels good until it is taken. Marc only felt right to jump until he had no land under his feet, Phill only enjoyed the first jab but none of them could turn back. I taught them a lesson.”
“What good did it do to them?”
“Nothing. But I hope it does to you.” He looked at the gun I was still pointing at him.
I felt defeated. How stupid I was to point a gun at him when he wanted me to. There was a monster dwelling inside me after all. I lowered the gun. And thought about how right he was about everyone. How we are all actors. Everyone hiding a face, a violent face, waiting for a reason to show it. I was one of the actors.
“When will you stop?”
“When I am defeated. When someone can make me feel wrong about what I am doing. When I see faith in humanity. The moment I find someone ‘not human’ I will stop.
“That is least probable when you attack the souls when they are at their most vulnerable.”
“That is the point. Everyone wants to stay when life goes their way. It when it doesn’t. When life takes a turn and you have to put up a fight against yourself. That is when you win or lose.”
“What if you never get a chance to see that person that shows you faith?” I looked at his handcuffs.
“That depends on how much faith you have in humans.”
Did I have faith? Was there anyone with better words, to defeat him? I was not the one. How could I have faith? I was a policeman. Most of the people I met up with were criminals. Then I saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw faith, hope. There were still people trying to restore the balance of nature. ‘I should let him out’; ‘He didn’t kill anyone really’. How the words were now popping up in his favor. Throwing him in the cell would be the right thing to do, and weak. It would be another win for him if I arrested him.
I stood up.
“I have faith.”
I could see how he was surprised by the decision I had made. I had accepted his challenge. He thought he could do this forever. I knew he couldn’t.
“Can I ask you something?” He finally spoke up as I escorted him out of the room.
“Yes.” I sighed.
“You have always wanted a villain to win once haven’t you?” The grin was back on his face.
“Your name?” I began.
“You must have seen that in my I.D., haven’t you?”
I didn’t answer.
“Simon Miles.” He smiled.
“Mr. Miles, tell me about you.”
“Pardon me; I’m really not looking forward to a relationship.”
I chuckled. Not at the joke he had cracked, but on how ignorant he was being. He seemed to think that he was in control of this situation. ‘Might as well change that’ I thought. Soon a guard marched in and moments after, Simon was bleeding. But he didn’t portray any sign of pain. ‘Good faker’ I perceived.
“Now that you’ve a better perspective of your position, I suggest you answer how you should.”
“Always with the violent approach.” He remarked.
“What is your career history?” He was really starting to pull my leg.
“Psychology school dropout.”
“But it says here that you resigned as a teacher, after 3 months of service.”
“I like to think of my resignation as dropping out.”
“How can you say that?” I lost track.
“We are always learning.”
He was right. I thought, in a way.
“You’ve been reported to be seen at 3 crime scenes, appearing before the victims cross limits, then disappearing.”
“What do you suspect Mr. Officer?” He spoke sarcastically.
“That you’re the cause of the outcomes.” I got to the point.
“What they did was their choice entirely.” Confidence in every word he spoke.
I was beginning to feel awkward, on how he was making things complicated. I was the one here to make him nervous to get the truth out of him. But this man was doing it himself. I still didn’t feel like I was on the right track here. I started with the first case he was reported to have been seen at…….
‘Tears rolled down his eyes. He was disappointed, ready to leave. Dragging himself towards the edge Marc had had enough. And he took a step……but it seemed impossible. Hope built up in his heart no matter how many times he lost it. The loved ones, happy memories, were suddenly popping up in his mind, and the ray of hope getting thicker as they did. He turned around but only to see a man, standing, just staring at him.
“Why?” The man started.
“Hope” Marc’s eyes lightened up.
“False hope.” The man raised his tone.
“It is enough to keep me going.”
“but only until you see the truth about this world, and come back some other day.”
Marc was quiet. The stranger left. Marc turned around……..’
“A man’s body was found at the bottom of the XYZ cliff. You fit the description of the man seen with him before.” I stopped to see how he would react.
“Before?”
“Before someone pushed him down the cliff.”
“Who would do such a thing?” He smiled sarcastically.
That was not what I expected. But I still kept the questions coming.
“Yes, it was him who killed him.”
“What?”
“He had lost hope. I do not know how, but he was there to leave. I did him a favor.” No sign guilt in anything he was saying.
“Mr. Marc was found dead, that was your favor?” I was trying to keep up.
“Mr. Marc is it? He had lost hope. You would have found a corpse there sooner or later. I helped in bringing it sooner. I took away the false hope from the soul. My favor was to help him die happily, without regrets.”
“You forced him!” I shot that in the dark.
“You have no imagination. But then again you aren’t the only one.” He smiled. “All I did was to bring the dark side he was trying to bury under the false hope, to his mind. All that he was thinking about then was how the world had betrayed him, all his sorrows, hate. And soon he could not cope. Everything appeared dark and sinister. It is human nature to find a way out of the darkness. And the only place the poor soul saw the light was at the bottom of the cliff.”
I was beginning to understand. How a lost person runs towards the light at the first sight and why people prefer to stay alone when they began to understand realities. It all started to make sense.
“I see you haven’t ordered the guard to hit me this time.” He interrupted my thoughts. Perhaps you think I was right about what I did. See I did not take away the hope really. His dark side gave it away. He could have stayed. But in the end, its human nature to solve things with violence.” He looked at the guard.
The truth in his words could not be ignored. And I could not stand it either. Everything was so complicated. My progress in this case was rapid, without any great effort. However the complexity, the thoughts and how he was inflicting them upon me. I needed a break.
I left.
3 days passed and I kept thinking about my meeting with Mr. Simon. I wasn’t sure if he was the criminal we were looking for yet. But I wore a badge. I got paid to suspect. I was walking back for our second session. My interest was building up in human nature, how everything we do had a reason behind it. ‘We are always seeking light.’ He was right. How we go on with our life until it goes our way then decide to give up when it doesn’t. In all my thoughts I arrived at the dark room, the “drop out” sitting there.
“Evening Mr. James.” He began as I sat down, he wasn’t supposed to.
“Evening” I ignored his enthusiasm. Then I started reading the second file, his second victim…..
“Let me in man!”
“Sorry sir, house full.”
“Dude, I just came out to get my popcorn.”
“Not my problem sir.”
“No! Let me in. My son is waiting.”
“I am sorry sir. Please wait outside before I call the authorities.”
Phill held back before the guard did. Who would want to make a scene in the cinema? What were the screens here to show?! Phill found a spot and just sat there and glared at the guard as he let in some girls after taking a tip.
“And they say women are the victims of gender discrimination.” He mumbled.
“Anyone is a victim if they don’t stand against injustice.” A stranger interrupted his hate.
“No offence but do I know you?” He asked munching his popcorns.
“Just someone here to help.” The stranger smiled.”You should know better then to give up so easy.”
“This isn’t worth it.”
“It’s how you react to the little things that teach you how to handle the big.”
“It is a kid movie. My son will survive.” Phill sighed.
“Of course he will. But don’t you think how the guard threatened you by calling the manager is a little insulting?”
“I will get over it.” Phill was still not convinced towards taking any action.
“That is what they all say.” The stranger lowered his tone. “You really want to walk away, insulted, without doing anything about it? What will you tell your son? Clearly not the truth.” The stranger raised his voice. “Don’t be a coward. You have honor, prestige.” The stranger made his point and left.
‘He is right’, ‘I should’, ‘I will walk away happy’. Phill was now thinking. Now it seemed to be personal, about his honor. He stood up, walked towards the guard still busy taking tips and opening the doors. He approached him from the back and reached for the neck and shook him. Soon they were rolling and tossing each other on the floor. Every successful jab made Phill feel better. But the guard was the one with a gun, and a gunshot contributed to the noise in the theatre……..”
“Phill Marcus, Banker and a rich one, divorced, living with his son. No criminal history, not even weed. And died got shot moments after he was reported to be seen with you.”
“Phill! He seemed to be a nice guy, but ultimately he was only a good actor.”
I looked at him in doubt.
“Phill was a veiled monster. He was hiding, all his past. A sad soul he was. There were scars on his heart. The hurtful things, memories, which he was living with, going on, all alone. You know the thing about scars Mr. James, they hurt forever.”
“Still doesn’t explain why the guard killed him.”
“That was what he was going to do.”
“Avenge the scars by killing some random guard?”
“Oh no Mr. James. He wasn’t avenging anything. He was just taking revenge on how the guard had treated him. But the monster inside him began to enjoy. The monster that was feeding on his sorrows. It had its fill, and it showed its strength. Mr. Phill had become hollow.”
“YOU are the monster.” It was annoying how he was making himself look clean.
“I didn’t tell him to get in a fist fight with the guard, even a mere hint. He could have called the manager. He could have stopped to think about his son. But that would have been something ‘human’ to do for a monster. The past always catches up with people, unfortunately the sad one. It’s sad how we ignore so much in our lives, yet preserve it. He sighed.
I was speechless. The truth in everything he said. The dark mazes up in everyone. The monsters trying to get out. I felt a monster inside me now, feeding, waiting to get out. It was frightening, how we fake things, unknowing being consumed by realities from the inside. I was beginning to understand humans and suddenly they were all terrifying, miserable.
“I still don’t understand how you get the victims to take their own lives.” I tried to distract myself.
“You happen to be slower then you think you’re.”
That was insulting. I looked at the guard.
“Go ahead, be human.” He was observant.
That didn’t feel good. How he could read my mind. I was developing interest in his abilities, fearing them, yet I wasn’t sure what they were yet.
“Have you ever wondered why the brain looks like a maze?” He was acknowledging my interest, he knew I was understanding things now.
“Maybe it is one.” I let out my first opinion.
“You seem to be understanding.” He stared at me for a long while.
Something wasn’t right in how he did that. I felt vulnerable. He had turned this interrogation around. Suddenly it came to me.
“Words!” I spoke out in surprise.
He just smiled.
“You use words! You kill those men using words. You brought their dark sides to life.”
“You see Mr. James, words possess immense power. Legend has it that actions speak louder than words but what good are actions when you have no words to understand and describe them? When you can control your words, you can control the world. Anyone!” He grinned and looked at me, then the guard. I froze with fear from the inevitable. He was choosing his next victim.
Both of us were armed. But clearly I was the one fearful and confused. The guard would just take orders. I still feared if Simon would turn him against me. I ordered him to leave.
“You seem to have little trust in your keeper.”
“I have little trust in me.” I knew that wasn’t true.
He smiled as the guard walked out. That was relieving. I looked at Simon with courage. I wasn’t the one to give up so easily, but then again. He wasn’t either.
“You can’t play now.”
“First case? Marc? remember?
I found myself in the same position. Scared. Who did I fear now? It was not him. It was I.
“What is the best you can do!”
“Fear me! He raised his voice. “These handcuffs can’t stop me from talking”
Suddenly I felt so little in front of him. How he could crush me. The man was handcuffed, unarmed, and he made me fear him. I struggled to take control of myself. But he could see I was afraid of myself, by the way I was trembling, wiping sweat off my forehead, just trying to look normal. He was enjoying my condition. I had had enough of this! I reached for my handgun and pointed it at him.
“I have little trust in me.” I repeated.
“Go ahead, be human.” He did too.
“Why are you killing innocent people?” Distracting him was my only chance.
“I am not killing people. And I won’t be the one to call them innocent judging by the choices they have made. I am helping in the best way a psychologist can help. Making them feel happy.”
“Their monsters!” He was wrong.
“Exactly! But they are the monsters themselves. They have been consumed. Seeking revenge and revenge is only an excuse for violence. Revenge only feels good until it is taken. Marc only felt right to jump until he had no land under his feet, Phill only enjoyed the first jab but none of them could turn back. I taught them a lesson.”
“What good did it do to them?”
“Nothing. But I hope it does to you.” He looked at the gun I was still pointing at him.
I felt defeated. How stupid I was to point a gun at him when he wanted me to. There was a monster dwelling inside me after all. I lowered the gun. And thought about how right he was about everyone. How we are all actors. Everyone hiding a face, a violent face, waiting for a reason to show it. I was one of the actors.
“When will you stop?”
“When I am defeated. When someone can make me feel wrong about what I am doing. When I see faith in humanity. The moment I find someone ‘not human’ I will stop.
“That is least probable when you attack the souls when they are at their most vulnerable.”
“That is the point. Everyone wants to stay when life goes their way. It when it doesn’t. When life takes a turn and you have to put up a fight against yourself. That is when you win or lose.”
“What if you never get a chance to see that person that shows you faith?” I looked at his handcuffs.
“That depends on how much faith you have in humans.”
Did I have faith? Was there anyone with better words, to defeat him? I was not the one. How could I have faith? I was a policeman. Most of the people I met up with were criminals. Then I saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw faith, hope. There were still people trying to restore the balance of nature. ‘I should let him out’; ‘He didn’t kill anyone really’. How the words were now popping up in his favor. Throwing him in the cell would be the right thing to do, and weak. It would be another win for him if I arrested him.
I stood up.
“I have faith.”
I could see how he was surprised by the decision I had made. I had accepted his challenge. He thought he could do this forever. I knew he couldn’t.
“Can I ask you something?” He finally spoke up as I escorted him out of the room.
“Yes.” I sighed.
“You have always wanted a villain to win once haven’t you?” The grin was back on his face.
Hassan Bukhari
of
class O’ Level Final Year
at PakTurk Schools
Islamabad Branch.
eloquently written
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