We are appreciative of the degree of seriousness and effort Muhammad Bin Qasim of class O’ Level is exhibiting these days. Even though laden with mistakes, his story does show he has already embarked on the journey of developing expression by sparking genuine interest in describing situations and feelings. I’m sure, by staying consistent and keeping his morale up he will soon have cultivated a habit of depicting scenes with most appropriate words. Keep it up, boy!

The weather gradually turned wild…

‘come on jerry we are getting late’ my father shouted.

We had planned a voyage (a short trip) to the beach. I quickly jumped from my cahir (spelling: chair) garbed (use grabbed) my stuff and quickly bunddeled (spelling: bundled) them into a so called wooden suit case. Quickly getting into the car I thought it would be so fun, but no one knows what’s coming. (use past tense: …but no one knew what was coming ahead/what was in store for us)

Quickly unloading our stuff my father started collecting fire wood for coocking food (spelling: (cooking). (While)My mother busy (busied herself) in trying to stop the young (my younger siblings) from going near the sea, I lay down on the warm see (see?) taking a sun bath.

While resting (As I was resting…)my eyes caught something strange, (use either full stop (.) or colon (:) here) a small fluffy white cloud in the middle of the sky- all alone (It was all alone.). Staring at the cloud my eyes got heavier and the next moment (soon) I was a sleep (asleep). After a while I was aroused by the cracking sound of the clouds. I was amazed to see how quickly the clouds (had) covered the sky. I could see the lightning outlining the clouds. (all around) People (were) quicly (quickly) packing there (their) lauguages (luggage) and rushing to there (their) cars.

The weather slowly (gradually) turned wild. I quickly got my stuff and started to make it to the car, but I had no match (but my pace was no match with)to the strong wind. I was over-burdened with all my stuff; a stong (spelling)wind blew knocking me on the ground. (While hurrying to jump into..) Jumping into the car I left all my stuff on the ground. The strong wind blew all the sand making it difficult (for me) to see.

Further adding to this horrifying scene, rain started with small balls of ice. The hail shattered the wind screne (screen) and (it started) damaging all the things around. I prayed (to God to get us out of there alive)we get out of here alive. After a long and terrifying one hour, finally, the sun peaked out. It was a sight of relief. Quickly loading the car with all the stuff we headed back home.

Muhammad Bin Qasim

Class: O’ Levels

Muhammad Bin Qasim

Our intelligent Muhammad Arshiyan Khan's debut story on the blog. A fairly impressive description of the situation his characters are into.

Just as we flipped our backs we were breathless to see…

Hurry up Kevin or else you will be taken in by the swirling tornado. We did not have much time to talk as the tornado was gaining on us. Kevin a lad of mine was lacking behind and the two of us were in front waiting for him to catch up. The sky was getting darker and darker and with the clock ticking, the sight was becoming unbearable to keep facing at. ’’Can’t the two of you just take me by your arms? I can’t go any further.” Kevin exclaimed. “It’s not the time to ask such bizarre favors; don’t give way so easily.”

The tornado was so vigorous that we could feel its intensity below our feet. It seemed as if it was rumbling for something to feed on. The three of us tried to make way to our boats which were on the sea shore. It was hard to budge through the woods but eventually we were relieved to catch sight of our boats.’’ Come on guys just a little more and we will be cruising’’. James shrieked in a reassured manner. ‘’Guys, guys……..Would you want to peek back for a few seconds’’? Kevin politely said giving us a shrug.

Just as we flipped our backs we were breathless and hallucinating to see hell up in front of us. This was just lunatic. Chills were sent up my spine. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the churning tornado in an uncanny way. Our feet were wedged and no one could dare utter even a single word. The wind that screeched the sand off the earth’s surface was piercing through and now our body was oozing abundantly from numerous parts. We all had given in. My body was getting incompatible and the sand that was infected prevented the blood flow. I was losing sense and getting numb. Suddenly, I fell to the ground and simultaneously the other two fell too.

I guess these are my last words, they are a few but it’s all I have left to say.  You guys meant everything to me and I’ll be expecting you in the other world. I was being sucked in sliding on the ground towards the wicked claws of death. My eyes were getting heavier and the only thing I saw was them both smiling in return.

Muhammad Arshiyan Khan

O’ Levels Final Year

PakTurk International School

Islaabad

Please welcome Shaaref Munir's debut appearance on the blog with his story “The Walking Dead”. Hopefully, you all will find it fairly crispy stuff.

The Walking Dead

We were petrified when we peered outside the window. It seemed as if even the howling winds of the blizzard could not stop their crusade in our street. A single blow would wipe out the entire group but no one could’ve ever imagined that the Walking Dead could have the strength to get up again to diminish their starvation. Stunned, my brother and I, Haares, looked at each other with our eyes wide open and hoped for a rescue…

A rumor was spread a few months ago through the Internet and radio about a new deadly virus that had spread throughout the world like wildfire. It gave the victim a serious flu for a week that slowly drained the life out of him and eventually killed him. Then came the serious part: the victim now slowly turned grayish and turned into a meat-eating zombie, but everyone called them “Walkers”. It was also said that the virus could be transmitted through any bleeding wound or if a Walker had bitten or scratched anyone.

At first we didn’t believe the rumor either as it was too exaggerating, but then later on we saw our own parents becoming the prey to this vicious predator. We couldn’t finish them off so we had to lock them inside our store room. I can still hear them moaning, but I’m helpless, though it is inexplicably painful an experience.

The earth is now a world full of dead continents with only a few thousands of survivors left who too are busy striving for the protection of themselves and their children. Luckily, my brother and I are one of them.

“Hey, Bro. Snap out of it! We’re short on supplies and I just ate the last of the cupcakes. What shall we do?” asked Haares restlessly.

I was still in a mini trauma by glancing at what the Walkers could do to satisfy their needs, but when Haares slapped me on the back of my head, I finally understood what was happening in the chilly air.

In whatever conscience I had, I replied, “Gear up, Haares. We’re going on a hunt.”

Haares smiled and hugged me as if everything was going to be alright and it did give me a very pleasant feeling. Soon when everything started to feel good, I heard a noise of glass breaking frequently from the lobby and then I heard Haares scream, “SHAAREF! HELP! WALKER! AAGH MY LEG! HURRY!”

Shaaref Munir

O’Levels Final Year

PakTurk International School & College

Islamabad

Shaaref Munir

Last week, boys of O’ Level Class attempted a comprehension passage by responding to a pack of short questions set on that. Alongside, to help them boost up their vocabulary, they were given the task of sorting out vocabulary words and then by involving them, develop a story. Muhammad Abubakar Mian has taken the lead by managing to drop his story into my mail box earliest of all others. I’d like to call it a massively successful attempt because all vocabulary words incorporated seem to have been employed as if there was no deliberate insertion of these words into the text. However, I’m not very pleased with where he left his story i.e. ending. In the capacity of being a reader, I feel unsatiated. Still, I find it a job well done. (humayun)

The White Knight had an important announcement to make........

Sir Edward, a public figure who was loved by his people and had a reputation of being one of the leading knights in the kingdom, had lost his sword. A knight losing his sword was an unthinkable thing and a cause for great embarrassment. If anyone found out about his predicament, he would be the laughing stock of the entire city. Sir Edward knew that he needed an imitation of his old sword, fashioned out of the finest metal, as soon as possible – but there was one problem: the unfortunate knight did not have enough money to cover the expenses.

Sir Edward, thankfully, had an old friend by the name of Marth who was a blacksmith. Marth’s blacksmithing business had flourished in the last few years thanks to many things, but principally due to growing demand for metallic goods. Marth was the only person Sir Edward could turn to, and so the knight made his way to the shop. On his way there, Sir Edward realized how much easier it was to move around without a sword. The swords Knights had, were quite cumbersome and carrying them was a laborious task.

The knight emerged in Marth’s shop at around four in the afternoon. The shop was conveniently empty as Sir Edward slowly took off his heavy cloak.

“Edward, my old friend, it’s so nice to see you!” Marth shouted from across the room.

Skipping all pleasantries, Edward drew Marth close and explained the situation.

“Is that why you’re wearing that heavy cloak… to hide from the people? How is it possible for a knight of your caliber to be so afraid of what other people might say or think of him? You are Sir Edward the White Knight, yes, but you are also human. And humans make mistakes – like losing things once in a while.” Marth exclaimed.

It was with these words that Sir Edward made an important realization: Knights shouldn’t have to be afraid of coming out about losing their swords. After all, Knights were the prime target for thieves and other criminals. Without another word, Edward made his way to the city square. The White Knight had an important announcement to make, an announcement that would free other knights from permanent embarrassment and ridicule.

Vocab

Principally

Fashioned

Flourish

Permanent

Turn to

Lead

Reputation

Cover

Laborious

Emerged

Cumbersome

Convenient

Imitation

Muhammad Abubakar Mian

O’ Level Final Year

And now a story by Esa Bin Qasim of class O’ Level final year at PakTurk that left the entire class speechless. See for yourself.

……as if my sacrifice had no worth, no value….                      

I was aroused by a crackling sound of a snowstorm. Bearing the cold, I swept out of my bedroom. Glancing out of the window, I noticed the world covered in a thick layer of snow. A stormy wind blew across the city and people were snowbound in their houses for the whole of winter season.

Still looking out of the window I hoped that the sun would peek out one day and melt away the dirty slush. Suddenly, a girl stuck in the frigid climate in the middle of the street caught my eye. Her feet buried deep in the snow, she looked helpless; it seemed as if her feet had frozen at that place.

No one was around to help this poor little girl. I was worried as what to do. My body shivered and my heart beat furiously as I had never experienced getting out into the freezing snow. Feeling extremely shocked and restless, I kept moving here and there for a while. It was not long before I finally made up my mind to save her life. I quickly bundled myself in heavy boots and a warm jacket as if preparing for a violent, aggressive fight to be fought in a battle field. I looked out of the window for the final time; she was exactly in the same position. I dashed for the back door. “If she stays there for a little longer, she will soon be dead,” I thought.

As I opened the door, an icy breeze rustled through the door; it passed over my head as if forcing me to stay in. However, I mustered up enough courage and I was soon busy dragging my feet through thick snow with a burning desire inside to reach the spot where the girl was so that to help her come out of that trauma. “She might get frostbite,” I felt dreaded at the thought. As I neared her, I noticed that her body had got awkwardly bigger than it had appeared from a distance.

Finally, when I hit the place where she was, I sensed something was wrong. She was neither crying, nor responding to a man who had literally risked his life for her sake. She stood motionless as if my sacrifice had no worth, no value for her. My heart sank at her attitude. “She doesn’t appear to be a warm hearted soul” I thought feeling dismayed. “But it’s also possible that she may not be in a position to express any emotions having been in such an abnormal condition,” I pacified my heart.

And there I was --- at a distance of just three feet. I stepped forward, and stretched out my arm to ask for her hand. “Oh My…!” I was struck with utter dismay. I yelped at what I had just discovered. It was the shock of my life, since the girl was merely a snowman. 

Essa Bin Qasim

O’ Levels Final Year

 

 

Armughan Aslam of class O’ Levels final year came up with perfection this time leaving me handicapped when I tried to spot errors in his story. This too is another episode of our series about developing a story in a setting of snowy weather condition. I feel like shouting out a single word to vent my feelings or appreciation: Superb!

The puddle of blood, sleet and slush sent chills down my spine…

At exactly 7am, my alarm clock sprang to life one frigid morning. Poking my head from underneath layers of blankets, I could perceive grayish-white clouds through the window. I made my way to the bathroom, fogging the mirror with my breath. I put on my earmuffs, boots and mittens and made my way to the yard. The crunch of snow beneath my boots was music to my ears in the dead-silent morning. As I approached my mailbox, which was by now covered with white, cottony powder, a familiar voice caught my attention.

“Good morning Gary!” It was my neighbor and friend, Sam, from down the road. Sam was a short, chubby man with a stub nose and a round face. We waved, and so Sam started crossing the road to catch up with the latest news. Soon, however, my smile disappeared as I saw a car screech across the icy road. Sam’s body plopped to the ground like the ice crystals falling. The puddle of blood, sleet and slush sent chills down my spine.

The blistering cold and the icy breeze had frozen my mind as well, and it was quite a while after which I noticed that the four-wheeler’s chauffeur had fled. Without a second to waste, I escorted Sam to the back of the car; his ski parka was drenched in blood. I got behind the wheel and drove off with speed to the hospital. I could barely visualize objects steering the car through the sea of white, and had to swerve to avoid pedestrians in the way.

            “Gary!” exclaimed Sam, his voice dying. “Please tell my wife and kids, that I love them…”

“Hang in there Sam. Nothing’s going to happen to you!” There was no response. I turned around to see Sam unconscious. As I glanced back at the road, a leafless oak tree appeared out of the blue. I tried to skew the car out of the way, but the slippery road took over and we crashed into the mighty timbre. I fell unconscious.

Upon regaining conscious, I found myself settled in a hospital bed. The nurse told me that I had been in coma for three days which shocked me to the nerves. Upon enquiring about Sam, I was left shell-shocked. My eyes swelled up with tears, for Sam had died.

Armughan Aslam

O’ levels Final Year

Yet another ‘blast’ by Umar Khan of class O’ Levels final year! Same is the setting here: a snowy day weather condition. Even though amount of vocabulary related with snowy day is not as per our requirement, yet see the way he engaged us right from the first word he dropped onto the answersheet; the power of dragging us along till end; and a startling ending leaving you flabbergasted. A big thumb up, dear Umar! We all wish you an A* grade in your Cambridge Exam.

What she said next struck me like the blade of a sword......

I glanced out of the window and ran my gaze through the world now covered in a carpet of white. It seemed as if the earth had buried itself under blankets trying to resist the cold which had now taken over the world.  My breath clouded the window. Kids gave life to the dead world. They darted here and there, kicking mounds of snow into the air. Small and delicate crystals could be seen falling from the sky.

Knowing that today would be the perfect day, I quickly grabbed the ring and slid it into my pocket. The door creaked as I slowly opened it. My eyes pained as a sudden gush of light sprang into the room. After a brief moment, I stepped out onto the porch.

My heartbeat sped up when I saw her and thundered in my chest. She sat silently on the bench. Her face was as radiant as always. The first time I had saw her, purchasing chocolate bars at the local store, I knew it was love. She did things to my heart that I had never experienced before. My steps got heavier as I approached her. My fingertips rubbed against the silver ring resting in my pocket.

Seeing me, she abruptly stood up. Snow lightly showered on us. The chilly breeze pounded my face. Before I could say anything, she started to cry. Tears slid down her cheeks. I couldn't anticipate what was happening. A part of me wanted to rush to her and take her into my arms, while the other part made me stay where I was- dumbfounded. "I have to tell you something ," she whimpered. A chill ran up my spine as I heard the words- there was pain in them. What she said next struck me like the blade of a sword, piercing through the heart. She uttered, "I'm carrying a child."

Umar Khan
O' Levels Final Year
PakTurk International School & College
Chak Shahzad Campus
Islamabad

Boys of O’ Level were asked to gather vocabulary related with a snowy day, and then develop a story in which they would be incorporating all that vocabulary. Let’s see how very successful Muhammad Abubakar Mian’s attempt is. I believe a compelling quality opening; vocabulary capable of representing the situations and feelings; variety in the sentence structure, variety in vocabulary, variety in situations, description of feeling and emotions and situations; use of descriptive verbs + all this coupled with an engaging content; engaging content means the author has the ability to keep dragging his/her readers along till end by keeping their minds hooked up. That’s all what makes a story a truly interesting stuff . See for yourself, Muhammad Abubakar Mian does deserve applause for a job well done --- quite effortlessly. A big kudos, Abubakar

....I called the number back but to no avail…

What I woke up to would have been called a frozen wonderland if it wasn’t for the howling wind still raging outside. A violent and unrelenting blizzard had overtaken the small town of Dearborn, Michigan. This storm of deathly white was unlike anything Dearborn had seen before. Virtually everything in the town was under a blanket of snow, and not a soul stirred in any of its streets. Businesses and most public services were closed, as people trapped themselves in their homes while seeking refuge from the Siberian environment. How much longer will this blizzard last? I wondered, while slowly creeping out of bed and making my way to the kitchen.

Perhaps a nice, warm cup of coffee will fight off the frigid cold that still holds a tight grip over my body, I thought. As I was sipping on the coffee, however, my cellphone rang - but only for a few seconds. It stopped ringing as soon as I took it out of my pocket. The missed call was from an old lady that lived about a block away. Perplexed as to why she was calling so early in the morning, I called the number back but to no avail. Suddenly, the freezing cold came rushing over my body once more. Maybe she’s in trouble and needs my assistance? Being her only friend and contact in the entire town, she didn’t have anyone else to turn to.

A part of me wanted to quickly gulp down the coffee and just as quickly crawl back under the comfy bed sheets. While the warmth of the bed sheets might have shielded me from the blizzard’s arctic grasp, it would not have provided closure as to why Ms. Lee had just left a missed call. As this internal conflict of emotions played out in my head, I unconsciously got myself dressed - ready to face the icy tempest.

With one last deep breath, I swung the door open and trudged out into the snow. Hugging my coat like a joey clinging to its mother’s pouch, I turned in the direction of Ms. Lee’s house and made my way towards it. Every few steps a debilitating gust of sleet and snow hurled itself against me. Bracing myself for more of these aggressions being carried by the blizzard, I thought of my relationship with Ms. Lee. Unfortunately, I didn’t know much about her and neither did she of me. What I was certain of however, was that I was the closest thing to a friend she had anywhere in this town. It was my responsibility, then, to make sure she was okay. ‘Maybe she has fallen somewhere in her house and is unable to get up,” I feared.

After a few more minutes of walking, I finally made it to the house. I rang the bell and then heard a shout from deep within the house. The exclamation put my body into overdrive as I turned the door knob and sprinted inside.

“Ah! Abubakar, it’s so nice to see you. I just finished baking some cookies. Why don’t you sit down and eat?” (…describe your reaction as well --- in a sentence or two. How did you feel like? Shocked? Sad? Bored? Happy or what? Besides, whatever you revealed in the end could have been something more forceful, more enthralling one. That blast surprise I was waiting for turned out to be rather weak here.)

Muhammad Abubakar Mian
O' Level Final Year
PakTurk International School & College
Islamabad

A short story with feedback. The student's name is being held.

I peered out the window and saw that the whole neighborhood was covered in snow. Snow flakes fell slowly from the sky. (If it’s description with which you preferred opening your story, then add a bit of more to depict snowy weather condition to be able to sound mature in writing.) I had a severe headache so I took some painkillers to ease the pain. I went (Use descriptive verb here. The one you applied is talkie verb) to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate when I got a call from my girlfriend (avoid mention of girlfriend since it’s odd in our society and religion). As I was about to pick it up, it ended. I tried to call her but her phone was off which was odd.

I took my gun with my badge and headed towards the car but unfortunately the car’s battery had died. (Taking gun is too abrupt here. You need to develop solid background first as what was that something that really made you feel so very aggressive. Justify it to make it sound maturer.) My mind was ticking like a time bomb (Why? How did you sense and decide that the girl was essentially in trouble? We need enough evidence first) and no painkillers could stop it. Mona’s place was a block away from mine. I had no choice but to walk. The snow was very thick and it was difficult for me to walk. I was already struggling through the snow when it started to snow very heavily (Avoid repeating the same word, that too in such a narrow space. Show variety in vocabulary.) It seemed as if a blizzard was about to come. I was almost there when I saw a man walk into mona’s house (‘Mona’ is proper noun. Write it with capital initial: ‘M’). I took my gun out and started to walk faster because I couldn’t run in this blanket of snow. I finally reached her house.

As I entered her house I shouted “Mona!” and that’s when something struck my head. It was mona (again with capital ‘M’). She struck my head with the baseball bat (why?) and that’s when that man came (Use descriptive verb here to show the manner of his coming). The man pointed the gun at me. He cocked the gun and said “Goodbye john” (Use capital ‘J’). Mona kissed me one last time and that’s when I jumped out of the window and disappeared in the snow. The snow was merciful to hide me. (Why did the man point that gun at you? Who was he? What was the situation like? Why was Mona alone at home? We don’t find a single word about her family? Justify her being alone there. The ending leaves many questions unanswered. Provide us an improved version of the story, and of course with a title as well.)